Under the shadowy street lamps, far down the block, behind the outdoor corner altars, under hidden doorway arches, you can see the teenagers huddled deep in conversation, keeping their safe distance, engaging in their courtship rituals of getting to know each other. Young women do this in secret, far from the eyes of protective fathers and distrustful grandmothers. They will do this in secret for a year or two and then get married -- typical courtship behavior for a village like Teotitlan del Valle, where most people are weavers and don't complete their education beyond the eighth grade.

I'm sitting with Eric Chavez Santiago, my 24 year old friend, who tells it like it is ... and it is not unusual for a 20-year old woman to marry a 30-year old man. But, more likely, it is the 16 to 19 year olds who are observing these courtship rituals, keeping a distance of a yard or a meter or more, careful not to be observed. Couples who have a few extra pesos in their pockets will catch a late afternoon bus to Oaxaca city to take in a movie or stroll around the Zocalo -- the beautiful central square -- careful to return home by 8:00 p.m. If a girl comes back later, say at 10:00-11:00 p.m., then it’s probable that the boy has already talked to her parents for courtship and marriage approval. In this case, the man would go to his girlfriend’s parents, propose marriage and then the parents could approve or not. The wedding date will be set in the next three to four months and they will get married. (I'm using "man and woman" and "girl and boy" interchangeably, most notably because courtship can begin at age 14 or 15 and marriage can happen shortly thereafter.)

A cousin of Eric's was studying international business at the university in Oaxaca. Her boyfriend was a professional musician living in Mexico City. They decided to do the "a contentamiento" and run away because they felt that going through the process of formal introductions would be too lengthy. They had been dating in secret for quite some time. On the third day they did the "a contentiamento." Even though she was educated and "modern," she decided to adhere to Zapotec traditions.

With the influences of television, cross border movement to El Norte and bigger Mexican cities for jobs, higher education, there will be an impact on how the traditions will be maintained and preserved. To westerners, they may seem quaint. To Zapotecs, they are essential to a way of life that is over 2,000 years old. What the future brings remains to be seen.

Norma Hawthorne is a North Carolina fiber and jewelry artist, and university administrator, who writes about Oaxaca and living in Teotitlan del Valle on her blog oaxacaculture.wordpress.org and website www.oaxacaculture.com. She is currently organizing weaving and natural dyeing workshops with Federico Chavez Sosa and Eric Chavez Santiago in Teotitlan del Valle.